31 December 2009

Handbags and Glad Rags

Last night whilst out with friends, the subject turned - inevitably at this late time of year - to the annual compilation of the competition Dead Pool.


For reasons about which I am unclear, I was not permitted to have Frank Bough, but that's not the point.

Anyway, equally inevitably, thoughts turn more to hope than prediction, which - of course - means Margaret Thatcher's name comes up.

And a fully horrific thought struck me.

She's going to die about ten days before the 2010 General Election, isn't she?

Isn't she?

You can picture it if you try. The perfect opportunity for those unscrupulous bastards to exploit the moment. An Election Broadcast, In Memoriam.

There's one of those Big Video/film advert voiceover voices.

"Remember her commitment to modernising Britain..."

CUT TO THATCHER - "And what a prize we have to fight for: no less than the chance to banish from our land the dark, divisive clouds of Marxism".

"Remember her victories abroad..."

CUT TO THATCHER - "Just rejoice at that news and congratulate our forces and the marines".

"Remember her victories at home..."

CUT TO THATCHER "We always have to be aware of the enemy within, which is much more difficult to fight and much more dangerous".

"Remember her compassion for all of us... "

CUT TO THATCHER - "There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women; and there are families".

"Margaret Thatcher may have gone, but you can honour her memory. Remember all that. Remember what she stood for. Remember Margaret Thatcher....

... And Vote Labour this polling day".

10 December 2009

Red facedbook

Steppy II has become a user of the Social Network phenomenon that is facebook. He's been on it for about a week and a half, and at last count had 86 "friends." For reasons that will become clear, we went through them this evening. There are about eight he doesn't actually know. There was one we have removed completely after a wee chat about the conversation we'd had last week in relation to the caution to be applied in the 'cyber'-world when one is only 11. The girl, who "looks about my age" and who approached him unilaterally, claiming to live in Washington DC has now gone.

An overreaction of ludicrous proportions; but a piece of theatre to make the point.

Anyway, the provocation for this little expedition around his facebook account came this evening after tea. One was looking at one's own facebook account, and the endless parade of status updates, when one espied a change in Steppy II's.

I showed it to Mrs Graph. "One knows not what to say!" quoth I.

"Too right, " she replied, with a slight smirk.

"Steppy II", I asked... "How was your day?"


"Good? Wow. Why was it 'good'"?

"Well, you know. Fine".

Concerned to ask again, in case it nose-dived from 'good' to 'fine' to 'average' to 'poor' to 'fucking horrible! All right?' I changed the subject.

"What have you done since you got in?"


"Nothing? What about homework"?

"Yeah. Homework".

"What about X Box"?

"Yeah. X Box".

"What about facebook"?




"Are you sure"?


"Are you totally sure"?


"Well, your facebook status changed 47 minutes ago".

"What!? Are you sure"?

"Yes. I'm looking at it".

"Well I didn't... What does it say"?

I glance at Mrs Graph. She shrugs.

"What does it say?"

"Erm... Have you given someone your password"?


"Well, I think you probably have, even if unintentionally"

"I have NOT! But why? What does it say"?

"It says... erm... 'I love willies'."